the "spark"

people watching has become my new favorite hobby these days studying alone at various coffee shops and restaurants. it's visually much more stimulating than the notes i stare at for hours upon hours...

recently, i noticed this older, married couple eating a quick dinner nearby. the odd thing was they did not utter a word to each other. they silently ate their food and stared off into space.

for some reason, this little scene had me thinking: does my future hold the same boring, rut-filled fate?

while marriage has not crossed my mind yet, i've been bombarded with the concept of marriage lately - the highs, the lows, the joys, the struggles, etc.

the big news in my family is my sister's engagement. my big sis. engaged. what?!? soon, she'll be buying a dog, moving to the burbs, and staying in on saturday nights. for some reason, this scares me.

my sister has always been the structered one, living her life in her comfort zone. in that respect, i'm happy she's settling down and found someone she wants to be with for the rest of her life.

with newlyweds, i can see why people get married. the "spark" between the couple is alive and well. they work together as a unit and give each other a sense of happiness and contentment that no one else can provide.

but what happens to this "spark" years down the road?

last month i learned that a close family friend (a doctor - yikes!) was having an affair with his nurse and is filing for divorce with his long-time wife. these are the kinds of things that scare me about marriage. what triggered this need to abandon his wife? was the "spark" between them gone? did he find a new "spark" with this nurse? was his life so familiar and boring that he felt the need to bust out his rut?

my parents just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. congrats. thirty years is a LONG time. but somehow, through the ups and downs, they've made it work. marriage truly is hard work. and they put in the time. while the "spark" between them has faded, it has been replaced with this deeper sense of love that i have yet to experience and therefore cannot explain.

in many ways, i think our society gives up too easily when it comes to marriage. divorce is rampant and commonplace these days. i think we've been brainwashed in this "me-first" society to think that if we don't feel the "spark" anymore, move on. we don't work hard enough to rekindle the "spark" or make things right. it just seems easier to end things and continue the pursuit of happiness. that's kind of sad.

i hope i take these lessons learned and apply it to my relationships. i seek the "spark" just like anyone else. it's an amazing feeling. but i know now that this "spark" can't be the only factor in a relationship. there are other elements that come into play that keep relationships happy and healthy. with a little hard work, i think you can break out of a routine-filled rut.

but where do you draw the line? how much work is too much work? i guess that's one more thing i have learn...